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Poems about... books and reading





The centipede that liked to read


The centipede
Loved to read
From her head to her very last toe
There’s mystery afoot
One in each book
And fifty books on the go

The ladybirds
Like the words
The leeches like the pictures
The caterpillars
Like creepy thrillers
The spiders ones with witches

When the sun gets low
The glow worms glow
To light up every last word
Then she marks all the pages
(that takes her ages)
And they dream of the stories they’ve heard












Besides risk of paper cuts

Books may contain nuts,

weirdos, psychopaths

They may induce uncontrollable laughs



Some books can scare

Or cause a nightmare (or two).

Books can cause you to:

go places new (risky);  find out what’s true (not advisable); laugh at the word ‘poo’ (very vulgar)


DANGER: DO NOT READ! It might lead

to: Inflated imagination

Brain expansion

University Graduation and/or a great big mansion*




* (side effects include stupid hats and paperwork)











The Rook


The rook

Took a look

In a book

‘How to Fish’

The rook

Put a hook

In the brook

Made a wish

The rook

Took the hook

And shook

Off a fish

The rook

Took a book

‘How to Cook’

Made a dish

( was delish!)























(video above, text below)










































































Backing a Winner












As they close the gate

The horses wait

All made of different things

At the horse of books

Nobody looks

Even though inside she sings


Most have no time for her

No one thinks that she’s the best

But she knows imagination

Takes her further than the rest




A horse made of pancakes with chocolate syrup on the top!

But there’s syrup in the stirrups and the jockey’s fallen off!


Here comes the clothes horse! Could this jumper have the edge?

Oh no, she’s come unravelled - and run into the hedge!


It’s the horse of pints of Guinness - now there’s a dark horse!

But it’s had too many and its staggered off the course!


In comes a horse made of a sofa, then a cantering coffee table!

The horse made of McDonalds food is too fat to leave the stable!


And they’re into the half mile


And the balloon horse has popped,

The clock horse has stopped,

The glass horse has smashed,

The potato horse mashed,

The tree horse falls,

The car horse stalls,

The egg horse is fried,

And the paint horse has... dyed!


And they’re into the quarter mile -


Could that purebred of pure bread pip them at the post?

Oh no! A dead heat with the oven horse! Now that purebred’s pure toast!


In the lead the horse of televisions. It seems this one could win

But it’s stopped in its tracks, its been pulled back!  Haha! It’s still plugged in!


Now one horse remains, the pick of the pack

What a pace! What a thrill!

It's a paper-back!

Watch it go! Watch it go!

Galloping to glory!

It’s Bookie the horse - with Frankie DeStory!








Poems about... the environment





I'm H20


I'm H20

I keep running round

Round and round and round

I've been through it all

On this great big ball

To seas from springs underground


I've been up and down

From sky to the dirt

I've been salty and juicy and all that

I've been filled with lime

And frozen for a time

When I just sat

And sat

And sat


...and sat


Now here I am

I've come out of this tap

I'm getting hotter, it's starting to hiss

It's a particle party

"It's the future Marty!"

I'm H2Old for this!












The Incredible House on the Hill

Up on a hill
Surrounded by water
Lives a man and his wife
And his son and his daughter

The house he built
Is all they need
To eat, to drink, to live, to love
To live the lives they lead

The roof gathers heat
From the sun and its light
That keeps the house warm
Through the cold of the night

And for their morning showers
The sun comes out again
To heat up all the water
That’s collected from the rain

Pipes twist and turn
Collecting all the air
To power up the vacuum
And dry the daughter’s hair

On the hillside eating grass
Is a chicken and a cow
And a horse that’s always ready
To pull the farmyard plough

To plough the earth and soil
On the side of the hill
For the vegetables they grow there
And the corn for the windmill

The windmill makes the flour
To make the daily bread
The cow’s milk makes the butter
They grow fruit to make the spread

Wind turns other turbines
And the cogs in-between
That put the shave in his shaver
The wash in the washin’ machine

And the washing machine’s water
Doesn’t go to waste
It’s used on the vegetables
(It doesn’t change the taste!)

And when it’s time for bed again
Again here comes the night
The sun’s power is used again, again
Again they use its light

The man looks out his window
At the sea, the stars, the sky
He cannot help but wonder
Wonder why, why, why, why, why...

Why did they not listen?
Why did they not see?
Why did they not listen?
To what he said would be?

Up on a hill
Surrounded by water
Lives a man and his wife
And his son and his daughter











There once was a grizzly bear

With mood swings beyond compare

He went for a therapy session

Was diagnosed with manic depression


He's a bipolar bear

He's a bipolar bear

He's a bipolar bear

Like you care


He's got a cousin in the North Pole

With fur as white as the snow

He's going through an awkward phase

He's swinging both ways


He's a bi polar bear

He's a bi polar bear

He's a bi polar bear

Like you care


We're using up our fossil fuels

Driving cars like careless fools

The ice caps are melting away

And the polar bear's got nowhere to stay


Bye polar bear

Bye polar bear

Bye-bye polar bear

Do you care?






3.) Poems about... silly stuff





Have I Got Gnus For You


The gnu

In a canoe

Said "I love you"


Number two

Said "Shoo!"

The gnu

Felt blue










The dog with no woof


"My dog has no woof"

Said the girl to the vet

"Don't worry," he said

"I'll soon fix your pet!"


The vet took the dog

And sent it to sleep

Then downloaded a file

With a click and a bleep


Now with the scalpel, the knife and the saw

He inserted the dongle

Just inside the back door!


The girl sat and waited

For the dog to awake

Then he opened his eyes

Gave his tail a shake


"Just press the nose"

So she gave it a whack

But it wasn't a woof

It was more like a "quack"


The girl smiled politely

And went off with her poodle

And the vet made a note:

"Be careful when you Google!"








Water water everywhere


Water water everywhere

But not a drop to drink

It's sad my dad

Forgot that fact, for he

Got himself sacked, for he

Worked in the Evian factory




The Princess and the Shark

When Biscuits Attack!


When my dad raids the biscuit tin

He'll eat everything that's within

Now it's time the biscuits bit back

Make the Hobnobs fight

Make the Bourbons attack!


They'll nibble his nose

And torture his toes

They'll eat his ears

And gnaw on his nose


The Shortbread will be nasty

The Rich Tea mean

His bum will be bitten by a custard cream


They'll run Party Rings around him

And Fig Roll the old codger

He'll be p-p-picked up by Penguins

And jammed by a Dodger


If Dad by now hasn't learnt his lesson

From this magic biscuit session

Then let the crazy Ginger NUT

Eat my dad from head to foot.

I tied these poems in with some live drawing for my Edinburgh Fringe show 'Sheep Ahoy!'

Not a terribly good poem, but it was great fun getting the Edinburgh audiences wearing my sheep heads for this one!

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